Guilt Tripping Is a Form of Bullying

A Guilt trip is a form of psychological abuse. Some psychologists may call it emotional manipulation. I call it bullying.

There are those who are first rate experts at laying guilt trips and know exactly what technique to use to get their own way. And others do it on an unconscious level, due to feelings of hurt or anger. Whatever form you’re using, stop! Take a look in the mirror, and ask yourself this question. ‘ I’m I not worthy enough to receive the love and attention I deserve, without emotionally bullying others?’

If you need to lay guilt on your spouse, child, friend or sibling for any reason, think again. Do you really need to abuse and manipulate to get your way? Do you need to drive your spouse into guilt in order for them to love you more? Force your son/daughter to stress or consider suicide, so they can succeed in their school exams? Or do you egotistically want them to follow in your career footsteps, because God forbid you wasted your life on the creation of this child so they can be different to you. And should your best friend feel like a traitor for spending more time with their new love interest than you?

I myself have never been a fan of guilt trippers, will run a mile when I smell one, as they usually come across as needy, especially in relationships. Some of these people have been playing the guilt card all their lives . But beware, the person on the receiving end, could eventually turn their guilt into resentment.

1. Guilt trippers will make you feel responsible for what they do, feel and have suffered. They dramatize situations and at time have a nagging nature.
2. The silent treatment or cold shoulder are another form of a silent guilt trip. Often the offending party expecting you to become paranoid to what you’ve done or manipulate you into feelings of shame and guilt.
3. Some have had parents who have played the guilt game on them their whole lives. For not been a good son/daughter, not been good enough at school and comparing them to their friend’s children. And when they reach adult hood their parents may say things like ‘Why don’t you ever help me? Or ‘You’ll be sorry when I’m gone,’ ‘Why don’t you visit,’ and the most famous of all lines, ‘After all my sacrifices.’
4. Some guilt trippers may be insecure and needy. They need to feel wanted, loved and appreciated, hence use this form of abuse to gain a sense of worth.
5. Some play martyr, always reminding you about everything they have done for you. They definitely know how to make you feel bad to get what they want.

Now the worst thing one can do is lay a guilt trip on a child. Yelling and screaming about how disappointed you feel is darn right selfish and egotistical. What kind of nut are you? A tiger mum? Do you want your child to obey you because of fear? Do you want to be another statistic who has lost their child to suicide, because you had such high expectations? Or maybe you want to sit alone in a nursing home, wondering why your children don’t care.

Constant guilt trips on a spouse are a sure way for a doomed relationship. Have you heard these familiar lines? ‘I don’t feel that you’re making time for me.’ ‘You need to make a commitment and put a ring on it.’ or ‘You never show me affection.’ Statements such as these are darn right naïve, if not completely pointless, as they will only push your partner further away and close off emotionally.

If your spouse isn’t making time for you, then make the time for yourself. If they’re not taking you out, go out with your friends. Take up a new hobby and keep busy. And Before you know it, they will be laying the guilt trip on you for not been available enough. If after five years of dating, they haven’t made a commitment to marry you, they probably never will, maybe your constant nagging for marriage turned them off. Perhaps they don’t believe in a that piece of commitment A4 paper or simply because they’re not that in love with you.

What about your friends? Are you making them feel guilty because they have other friends? Spend too much time with their boyfriend/girlfriend or simply don’t have the same social appetite as you do? If so then stop. You’re only making this person resent you, spend time with you out of guilt and this friend will eventually pull away. And if you don’t feel like they have been a good friend, then maybe you should find some others who will be at your beck and social calls.

Yes, Of course, these people:

· murderers

· corrupt politicians

· pedophiles

· cheats

· thieves

Yet some on this list may be sociopaths, and will never register this guilt.

If you’re on the receiving end of a guilt trip and truly believe you have done no wrong, stand up to this bully. Their behavior may not seem that aggressive and could be deemed as harmless, but believe me IT’S NOT. The emotional blackmail and manipulation of this person is a way of dominating you on either a conscience or unconscious level.

Finally we all have been victims or aggressors of guilt trips. You must remember that you alone are responsible for your own feelings, no one else. To depend on others to measure your level of happiness could only lead to disappointment. It’s also important to realize that using 'Guilt Trips' is an unhealthy form of psychological abuse, may be self destructive and could eventually lead to a negative results.

By Rana Kordahi